Anamnese
by Diana Prallon
Summary: Relationships don't always work on the first go; sometimes you have to try again. Written for a Kink Me Merlin prompt.


**Anamnese**

"I don't think we should do this"

Merlin's voice's small and unsure, his eyes wide, but there's no mistaking the love and lust building around the corners of his mouth, in the lines of his forehead, or in the grip of his fingers.

"Don't you want to?", Arthur asked, confused.

For a long while, Merlin didn't answer, just looked down.

"It's not some cheap thing for me, Arthur."

The king looked at him, completely bewildered.

"Yeah, my idea of a trick is snogging my manservant after he almost dies" he says, shaking his head. "Are you thick or what?"

The boy smiled back at him, and Arthur was pleased to see things weren't completely ruined between them.

"Whatever this is, I don't wanna screw this up."

"You're _not_ screwing this up", Arthur said, cocky. "I won't let you."

"Yeah, 'cause you have always been _so good_ in making me do what you wanted me to."

They both chuckled, and when it stops, Merlin is serious again.

"Have you ever...?"

"I'm not a blushing bride, Merlin" replied Arthur, annoyed. "Is that what you're worried about?" His eyes widen, before continuing: "Have you...?"

The dark haired one bit his lower lip.

"There was Will."

That made Arthur's stomach drop a few feet, but he shouldn't be surprised. It was clear from the way the boy looked and talked that he was jealous of Merlin.

"And I screw things up with him, completely. And then I came over. And then we were there, and you saw the mess that I made."

Arthur can see that Merlin is hurt, that the memory still pains him. It's been a long while - but then again, Will must not have been some cheap thing for him either.

"This was... before. Years. We grow up."

There's a sad ghost in his blue eyes when he replied.

"We promised to grow old together, Will and I. It's not easy. You end up growing apart."

"I know", said the king, his memories focusing on his first crush, his lost friend, the slow burning fire inside her blue eyes and dark hair.

"It's not that easy" said Merlin, looking inside his eyes fiercely. "I don't want to be... A mistake. I don't want you to decide you want something else, someone else, to walk away, the trust gone, our friendship destroyed and my heart broken."

_I don't want it to be as when Gwen showed up_, he doesn't say the words, but he doesn't need to.

"I didn't say it was easy" said Arthur, finally, touching Merlin's naked neck lightly. "But it _is_ right." Merlin didn't seem to think that meant much, so he went on. "We tried before, and we failed, yes. We made a mess of ourselves, sure, but that wasn't even... I didn't know, ok? I didn't know you would... And then there was Will, and you were mourning, and I allowed myself to think you'd blame me and hate me. It was just a kiss, in the rush of the moment, I didn't think you'd be actually into me. You seemed to think I was a prat and that you'd rather have me dead than around you. So, forgive me if I moved on. I tried something new - and it wasn't just a fling either, I liked her. And you... Are you saying there was no one else?"

Merlin can't answer that without explaining hell a lot of things that couldn't be explained at that moment; that were another conversation all together.

"Yes, but..."

"We were young and unsure" said Arthur, and that's a full stop. "It wouldn't have worked, then. Now... We're grown ups, Merlin. I'm King. You're... a man. Sure, we will still make mistakes, but I think we've reached the point where we can be honest. Where we can say we're sorry. Where we can deal with our faults. So, yes. It won't be easy, that's right, because I'm King and you're a servant, and a man, and possibly the worst liar that ever existed; and mostly because that's _you_ and _me_, but that doesn't mean it's not right, that it's not what we want, that it's not... More than a moment's thrill. It is not, and we both know it now, I have known it for ages, and I'd dare to say that so have you. So, there are a lot of buts, but none of them mean that we shouldn't try and be together _now_."

It hits Merlin as waves - the words and its meaning, and before he realizes, he's crushing Arthur's mouth with his own, his body with his own, pining him underneath him as he had longed wished to. It's a passionate kiss, a fierce kiss, a sure, steady, committed kiss and his body responds accordingly.

When it's over - much, much later, they're both grinning madly, looking at each other as if they were some miraculous cure to the world's maladies.

"When did you become so wise?" Merlin asks, shaking his head. "It doesn't fit you."

Arthur laughed and shook his head, a smile playing in the corner of his mouth.

"You know, it's from hearing your advice so much", he said, teasing.

Merlin slaps him hard on the arm, and as they laugh.

"What?", Arthur asked, indignantly.

"Prat"

"Forever" the King says, and in this word there's a promise that he'll never take back.


End file.
